


i know better than to call you mine

by sarcoline_sails



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Love Confessions, M/M, Unrequited Love, but also the lack of feelings..., i apologize :((, talking about feelings
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-18
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-10 02:00:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,462
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27615929
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/sarcoline_sails/pseuds/sarcoline_sails
Summary: What Harry wants isn’t anything except for Niall’s heart. A heart that belongs to someone else.
Relationships: Niall Horan/Harry Styles, Niall Horan/Original Female Character(s)
Comments: 3
Kudos: 20





	i know better than to call you mine

**Author's Note:**

> i wrote this in like three hours and half of that time was spend staring into space so sorry if there’s any mistakes or if this doesn’t make sense omg i needed to get this out of my brain.
> 
> (title from let’s fall in love for the night by finneas, it doesn’t really have to do with this but i love that song sm)

Niall and Harry are best friends.

They’ve known each other since they were in primary school, instantly latching onto one another as the two scrawniest and shyest of their small class. (It soon became clear that Niall wasn’t as shy as he’d seemed at first, his original silence the result of homesickness.)

They grew together over the years, through the novelty of primary, the awkwardness of secondary, the bravado of preparatory. Their friendship never wavered—even as everything around them changed—new step-parents, Harry’s flings, cute foreign exchange students—they remained each other’s constant.

They were each other’s cheerleaders and confidantes, both their wingman and shoulder to cry on (which was needed more than they’d care to admit). They were there for each other when no one else was, understood each other better than anyone else, trusted each other more than anything.

The thing about this kind of friendship though, is that it can’t ever stay just friends. Someone always seems to fall in love along the way, right?

At least, that’s what Niall thinks as he’s sitting here thinking back on all the times he might have given Harry the wrong idea, the lukewarm coffee in his hands doing nothing to help make sense of this situation.

Harry’s looking at him earnestly from across the table, green eyes wide and hopeful, and Niall doesn’t know how he can possibly fix this.  
  


_“So, let’s say, hypothetically, I like this guy.”_

_Niall raised an eyebrow at him when he didn’t continue. “‘S that all you’re gonna say? You didn’t need to drag me all the way out here for that, H.”_

_Harry sighed dramatically and clasped his fingers together, chewing on his lip for a moment as he sorted his thoughts. “And I really like this guy. Like,_ really _really. I’m head over heels for him.”_

_Niall snorted but quickly righted himself at Harry’s glare, gesturing for him to go on. “Ok so you’ve got it bad for him. Ask him out!”_

_The other boy picked at his coat sleeves. “But the thing is, this guy…hypothetical guy…hypothetically already has a girl.”_

_“Oh.” Niall frowned, raising his head from where it was resting against his palm. “Sorry, Haz. That sucks.”_

_“Yeah,” Harry nodded, talking down at his overly complicated coffee order that no one had time to memorize (triple, venti, half-sweet, non-fat, caramel macchiato). “But, ugh, I just really like this guy, Ni. He knows me so well and we talk all the time and—I could have sworn he felt the same about me if he didn’t have a girlfriend.”_

_“How’d you get so close if he’s taken?” Niall blurted before he thought about it possibly being insensitive. “I mean—"_

_“We’ve been friends for a long time,” Harry admitted quickly, blushing the slightest bit but enough for Niall to discern it. “And before you ask, my feelings are sort of new. Maybe realized them like, five months ago.”_

_“Five months?!” Niall masked his surprise with an exaggerated gasp. “That long and you didn’t tell me?”_

_Harry glared once again and Niall laughed. “I’m only teasing. But Jesus, you usually lose interest after two weeks. Don’t pout at me, you know it’s true. But… what makes this guy different?”_

_“I dunno, Ni, he just… he just gets me, you know? And he makes me feel so good about myself, like I’m not afraid to be_ me _around him and he makes me smile so much and he’s just—he’s perfect, Niall.”_

_Niall tried to bite back his smile at Harry’s lovestruck expression. “So you’re proper in love with him then?”_

_“Yeah,” he said with a shy grin on his face, “s’pose I am.”_

_Niall returned his smile, happy for his friend, before the conversation came back to him. “But he’s taken…?”_

_Harry sighed. “Yeah, he is.”_

_“Harry—”_

_“I know, I know,” he groaned with his face in his hands. “This’ll make me sound like a twat but I can’t help but wish that he would just break it off with her. Like, some part of me thinks that if I confess to him he’ll just drop everything for me.”_

_“Haz,” Niall tried, but he was cut off again._

_“And I know it’s stupid, but I just. I’ve never felt this way about anyone. The way he talks about her? That’s exactly how I feel about him. Even more so. I want to be the one making him happy. I want to be the one making him blush with just a touch and putting a smile on his face just by looking at him.”_

_“Harry, H, listen to me,” Niall poked at Harry’s cheek. “I want the best for you, y’know that right? And I’m so glad this guy makes you feel good but, H, you and I both know this isn’t healthy.”_

_Harry was silent for a moment before he started again. “I’d wait for him, y’know? How ever long it took for him to see that I’m here, I’ve been here and always will be here. I’d wait forever for him. And I don’t know what to do about that.”_

_“Harry,” his voice was barely a whisper at this point. He’d never seen Harry so set on one person before, always flitting about from one crush to the next. He knew him to be inclined to dramatics but he could tell Harry was completely serious in this moment. “This isn’t fair to you. You deserve better than that, it isn’t worth it to wait for someone who isn’t even a guarantee.”_

_“He’s worth it. He’s worth everything.”_

_Niall was startled by the conviction in his voice, even more by his green eyes boring into his own. “But you could do so much better. Someone who could love you back fully without any setbacks. Don’t do this to yourself, Haz, he’s—“_

_“Niall.”_

_“—what?”_

_“Ask me who he is.”_

_“What?”_

_“Just ask me who the person is.”_

_“...Who’s the person, Harry?”_

_“It’s you. It’s always been you.”_

The confession lingers heavy in the air between them, Harry’s heart laid bare before him while his own stills inside his chest.

Niall loves Harry. He really does. He’d go to the ends of the Earth and wrangle the stars for him if he could, but. But that isn’t enough. What Harry wants isn’t any of that, isn’t anything except for Niall’s heart. A heart that belongs to someone else.

“I’m sorry,” Harry finally whispers, caving to the growing silence. “I know it isn’t fair to put all of this onto you but _Christ_ , Niall, you have no idea how hard it is keeping all of this to myself, wanting to kiss you and hold you and comfort you every time I see you. I didn’t want to make things awkward, I’m so sorry, and your girlfriend, fuck, I don’t want to mess that up, I shouldn’t have—”

Niall swallows around the growing lump in his throat, the desperate edge to Harry’s tone making his skin crawl. “Harry. Harry breathe. Stop apologizing.”

“I can’t,” there’s a bit of a wheeze in his voice and Niall’s quick to grab his hand from across the table and squeeze it tight. “You mean everything to me Niall, and I can’t lose you and even though you’re taken, for some stupid bloody reason I thought telling you would change anything and. I’ve just made it so weird for you, fuck I understand if you don’t want to be around me for a while.”

“I’m not going anywhere, Harry,” he says firmly, or as firmly as he can with his voice shaking from the weight of Harry’s words. “But, Haz, I just—I don’t…”

Harry chokes out a laugh and Niall feels his heart crack. “Don’t love me back?”

_Love._

“It’s okay, Niall. I’d be surprised if you did. I just had to tell you.” He gulps audibly and wipes hastily at his eye before chuckling drily. “Who knows, maybe this is the closure I need to get over you?”

The guilt sits heavy and foreign in his stomach. “You’ll find someone better, H. I know you will.”

“Yeah, maybe,” he agrees halfheartedly. Niall can tell he doesn’t believe it.

“I’ll, um, I’m gonna head back to the dorms.” Harry’s pointedly avoiding his eyes as he stands up from the table, but Niall isn’t going to call him out on it. If nothing else, he can at least give him space. “Tell the missus I said hey?”

The joke falls flat, but Niall musters up a smile. “Yeah. Tell the boys I said hey?”

“Yeah.” Harry nods minutely, and then he’s gone, leaving Niall with a cold gust of autumn wind and the guilt of a thousand sinners.

Niall wonders, not for the first time, why it couldn’t have been Harry.


End file.
